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That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here. We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive.

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Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people.

Ways to Make Amends in Recovery

In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states. Of all the 12 steps, Step 9 is often referred to as particularly challenging. Understanding why will require taking a closer look at what Step 9 is, its goals, and its possible outcomes. We’ll also include a Step 9 amends letter for anyone who wants to implement this step but isn’t sure how to.

Direct Amends

Talking with your sober community about your history with drugs or alcohol can help you identify what you need to make amends for. Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction. While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful.

• There may be so many times we feel we let someone down that it can be hard to know where to begin.
• They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends.
• Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for.

Step Series

• Scholarships are granted to individuals who have completed inpatient treatment and are looking to continue their recovery journey in sober living.
• They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure.
• Whether or not you’re intimately familiar with the Twelve Steps of AA, you’ve probably heard of Step Nine.
• For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them.
• In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”.

After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9). In fact, every day I make a living amends to my husband, son, Mom, and brother Ricky. Working Step 9 is challenging and you’ll likely need support and assistance as you work through it. At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs. We also provide regular drug and alcohol testing, professional peer recovery support programming, a three phase recovery program, volunteer placement services, and employment and educational support.

Thankfully we are given some insight in to how to make amends through steps 8 and 9. But amends are so much more than just making a list and saying you are sorry, and this is where it becomes important to understand the difference between making an amends and making an apology. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and https://ecosoberhouse.com/ you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.

And those words ring hollow when we repeatedly break our promises. So, to truly make amends, we have to offer more than words. People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances living amends only to get hurt again. When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again.

Be generous with your time.

We only give to individuals who are serious about their sobriety and have personally already invested in their long-term recovery by attending a residential treatment facility. Also, each recipient must agree to donate back 25% of the total awarded amount within a year’s time. Our contract has to be signed and returned before the first month funds are given to the sober living facilities. Substance use disorders (SUDs) can have a devastating impact on a person’s interpersonal relationships. Sometimes, making direct amends with someone may lead to further harm. For example, if you are estranged from a loved one and they will not see you, your indirect amends may involve reflecting on and modifying the behaviors that led to the estrangement.

What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created? Sometimes direct amends are not possible, and this is where living amends come into play. Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around.